Attention, North Koreans: We Must Stop Seth Rogen!
The evil United States, a terrifying and corrupt country hell-bent on wreaking havoc on our world and threatening everything for which North Korea stands is on the offensive again. Our authorities recently uncovered a sinister, in-depth plot by an overweight Jewish comedy actor and his pretentious, marijuana-smoking sidekick. With a team of United States-based terrorist filmmakers, Seth Rogen and James Franco are maliciously plotting to create and release a comedy movie later this year telling of the fictional assassination of our fearless leader, Kim Jong-Un. We must take action immediately by threatening the entire country with bloody warfare, a threat on which we shall never take action! Doing so won’t make us seem too sensitive and prone to overreaction at all!
We must continue to perpetuate the stereotype that North Korea runs by shoving propaganda down the throats of its citizens. To maintain the enormous facade that our country is a complete utopia despite our detention camps and atrocious living situations, we must threaten the other countries who criticize us! No more will we stand idly by while world leaders and American actors insult us! Yes, it is time to take a stand and use our best weapon against these demons among humanity — our empty threats!
Rogen, Franco, and their companions in crime plan to release The Interview, a clearly fictional comical story about journalists assassinating our esteemed leader, this October. Not if we have anything to do with it! We shall release a public statement informing not just the United States but the entire world of our war plans that will never come to light.
Our fearless leader and I spent all morning concocting the perfect statement. We are pretty thrilled with it. We intend to tell the media that we will respond mercilessly and resolutely unless the United States bans the release of this film. We know that all of you are simply outraged by this provoking act on behalf of our enemy country, and that if you are not, you will at least pretend to be to avoid punishment. We have not actually seen a trailer for the film, but know with our mystical powers that it will be offensive. We just know it. The ring-leader of this operation, Seth Rogen, even Tweeted that he hopes our beloved leader will like The Interview. What’s Tweeting, you ask? Um, nothing… forget I said anything.
Marisa Mostek (@MarisaJ44) loves globetrotting and writing, so she is living the dream by writing while living abroad in Japan and working as an English teacher. Marisa received her undergraduate degree from the University of Colorado in Boulder and a certificate in journalism from UCLA. Contact Marisa at staff@LawStreetMedia.com.
Featured image courtesy of [Zscout370 via Wikimedia]